Malo za hec

12. apr 2013 15:43

Po nedeljski maši žena klofne moža.
"Zakaj pa to???!!!" vpraša on.
"Zato, ker si me pogledal, ko si molil: ...  reši nas vsega hudega ...''

13. apr 2013 16:40

Profesor je sedel v univerzitetni jedilnici in jedel. Nasproti njega se je brez vprašanja prisedel študent. Profesor ga je jezno pogledal in rekel:
"Od kdaj pa sedijo orli in prašiči za isto mizo?"
"Prav!" je rekel študent, "bom pa odletel k sosednji mizi!"* *

16. apr 2013 9:27

There's always one.. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for 'Termination without Cause'.
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'
Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'
Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
Operator: 'Went away?'
Caller: 'They disappeared.'
Operator: 'Hmm So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller: 'Nothing.'
Operator: 'Nothing??'
Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'
Caller: 'How do I tell?'
Operator: 'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??'
Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller: 'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'
Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
Caller: 'What's a monitor?'
Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??'
Caller: 'I don't know.'
Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'
Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: 'Yes, it is.'
Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'
Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'
Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'
Caller: 'I can't reach.'
Operator: 'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??'
Caller: 'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.'
Operator: 'Dark??'
Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.

' Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller: 'I can't.'
Operator: 'No? Why not??'
Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator: 'A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??'
Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'
Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??'
Operator: 'Tell them you're too f --- ing stupid to own a computer!!!!!'

Bojan zasebno

16. apr 2013 9:56

16. apr 2013 12:25

Mlada Zagorka prodaje jajca na placu. Ostali prodaju jaje po 2 kn, ali ona po 10. Vrijeme prolazi, a ona nije prodala nijedno.
Njeni joj govore:"Daj mala spusti cijenu ne buš nikad prodala!",a ona njima: "Bum sačekala, nigde se ne žurim".
Vrijeme se natmurilo kao da će kiša, njeni joj opet govore:"Daj spusti malo ...", a ona njima opet: "Bum čekala,
nigdi se ne žurim".Svi su već digli ruke od nje, kad predvečer prilazi joj jedan gospodin i reče joj:
"Treba mi 200 jaja ne pitam koliko koštaju, ali trebala bi da mi pomogneš da odnesem u moj stan",
a ona njemu odgovara: "Nema problema, se nigdi ne žurim".
Unesoše oni jajca u stan, kad je gospodin upita: "Bi li sačekala da spremim neko jelo pa da zajedno jedemo, sigurno si
gladna?", a ona njemu uobičajeno:"Bum sačekala, se nigdi ne žurim".
Pojeli su, kad opet će gospodin: "Bi li sačekala da nam kavicu skuham?", ona opet njemu : "Pak se nigde ne žurim".
Popili su oni kavu, kad će gospodin opet: "Bi li sa mnom u spavaću sobu, imam ti nešto lijepo pokazati, si u žurbi?",
a ona njemu po tko zna koji put: "Pak se nigde ne žurim".
Obavili oni to... kad se zagorka krene slatko smijati i veli:
"Kaj buju se moji sutra na placu pojeli od muke, kada im bum pričala ...em sam prodala sva jajca po cijeni koju sam tražila,
jela, pila i tri puta se 'kresnula' ''.
Gospodin, da je ispravi, veli: "Samo jednom smo se ...",
A ona opet ono njeno: "Bum sačekala, se nigde ne žurim!!!!!

18. apr 2013 20:14

Zobozdravnik se je ravno nagnil nad pacientko, da bi začel z delom, je nenadoma trznil…

''Oprostite, gospodična, ampak to, kar držite v roki, so moja jajca…''

''Vem'', odvrne pacientka, ''tako bova oba bolj pazila, da drugega ne bo zabolelo… OK?''   

22. apr 2013 16:47

http://www.youtube.com/embed/EQ6bThyc11A

24. apr 2013 18:30

24. apr 2013 21:25

Z deklico svojega srca sem hodil že več kot leto dni, ko sva sklenila, da se poročiva. Moji starsi so nama v vseh pogledih pomagali, prijatelji so me spodbujali, moja deklica pa... Bila je sanjska. Samo ena stvar me je malce vznemirjala - moja bodoča tašča.
Bila je uspešna poslovna ženska, bistra, predvsem pa lepa in seksi. Vcasih se je z menoj čisto očitno spogledovala, kar me je spravljalo v zadrego. Nekega dne me je poklicala, naj se oglasim, da bova pregledala seznam gostov. Sel sem.
Bila je sama in ko sem prišel, mi je zašepetala, da se bom kmalu poročil, njej pa sem všeč in si me želi. Rada bi se z menoj ljubila, samo enkrat, preden se poročim in se zapišem njeni hčeri.Kaj naj bi ji rekel?Bil sem tako presenečen, da nisem mogel izustiti niti besede.
"Grem v spalnico," je rekla, "in če si pripravljen, pridi za menoj." Ko je odhajala po stopnicah v spalnico, sem gledal za njo in občudoval njeno graciozno zadnjico.
Samo trenutek sem premišljeval, potem sem pa šel k vhodnim vratom, jih odprl in stopil iz hiše...

Pred hišo je stal njen mož, me s solznimi očmi objel in rekel: "Zelo smo srečni in zadovoljni, da si opravil našo malo preizkušnjo.. Ne bi si mogli želeti boljšega moža za svojo hčer, kot si ti.Dobrodošel v družini."
Iz tega sem se naučil: kondome imej vedno v avtu!!!!!

28. apr 2013 10:19

Oče se je tuširal in si prepeval tisto znano:

"Zbog jedne divne crne žene" ko je v kopalnico vstopil sinko.

- Oči, kaj imaš to med nogami ?

- A to ??? se pogleda med noge.

- To je Kičo.

Takrat se iz kuhinje zadere žena:

- Povej mu še priimek...